sundog

October 3, 2007

Driving Lesson

Filed under: Family, Home, My Life, Self Pity — happychick @ 6.38p10

For the first time in my life today, I drove a car.

I cried the entire time.

It was 8 in the morning, and there was not another soul on the road. Lucky for them, dare I say it- and sorry to the man down my street whose bin I nearly took out.

It’s embarrassing, thinking about it now. Of course, I couldn’t help the tears. They come naturally, in times of stress, excitement- basically, in any situation where one single emotion threatens to overcome me.

Still, I was crying like a sissy as I drove down Collier Street, blubbering during the three-point-turn, and the tears only ceased to allow me to cry “Oh Shit!” as an impatient driver passed me on the corner.

It was awful, the whole bloody experience. I’d rather catch public transport for the rest of my life than go through it again.

But go through it I will.

And there will be more tears.

Thinking back to your own first driving lessons, have any of you actually humiliated yourselves like that?

September 30, 2007

Lights and Sounds

Filed under: Happy, Home, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p09

Life makes fools out of us all. While we rush around, trying to get ahead, trying to achieve success and make something out of ourselves, trying to… well, I believe the saying is “live life to the fullest”. The irony is, however, that no matter what choices we make and what paths we take, life goes on around us regardless. When we mourn those who have gone, the whole world goes on without them. When we make a bad decision the sun still shines. Life is a trap- we’re led to believe that each one of us is the most important person in our lives, but there is so much more out there. It’s reassuring, in a way. I am but one person in a world of billions. I am one girl. Whether or not I wake up tomorrow matters to very few, in the grand scheme of things. It makes me feel small, sure- but I know that whatever mistakes I make from here on in are insignificant in the long run.

Tomorrow I’ll wake up 16 years old. That’s legal over here- legal to attain a license, legal to have sex… Not that I’ll be jumping into bed with anyone anytime soon. I don’t suppose it’ll be all that different. “Same shit different year”, as my mother would say. But it gives you extra credit, all the same. The older you are, the more respect people give you (providing you deserve it in the first place). These are supposed to be the most exciting years of my life. And they are, but not in the way I was expecting as a kid- I’d always wished and wished to be 16. They were so independent. They were free. They got to go out and go drinking and partying with boys… being 16 meant having the world at your feet. You were no longer controlled by your paretns- and school? Pfft! I could get along just fine without school. 16 meant adventures. It meant fun and danger and boy- particularly boys. Golly. Was I naïve, or was I naïve?

Fuck I love this room. Granted, it’s a bit messy atm, but if I could be anywhere in the world right now, it would be here, in this room. It’s probably the second-best bedroom I’ve ever had- and that’s saying something. I’ve had about 7. It’s a relatively big room. It’s always warm. There are perhaps one too many Orlando Bloom posters covering the walls, and the view from the window is of the neighbor’s bathroom, but it’s lovely all the same. There are a lot of fairies on the chest of drawers, on the walls, on the shelves… and books. LOADS of books. From here I can see the Harry Potter set, a couple of chick-lit dramas (ok, a LOT of chick-lit dramas), Macbeth, The Handmaids Tale, Anne of Green Gables… Yes, I couldn’t live without my books.

I haven’t got s lot else to say. I should be going to bed. It’s my birthday tomorrow, after all. Until then, I leave you. J x x

July 19, 2007

Good Lord I have nice hands.

Filed under: Friends, Home, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p07

I caught up with Kk today- RACK is dead and buried but it was so nice to be able to talk to her just like we used to. She’s on a health kick similar to my own- the only difference being that perhaps she’s more consistent and motivated.

I bought the new Missy Higgins album “On a Clear Night” when we were away last week- I saw her live once, did I mention? She wasn’t wearing any shoes, which at the time made her very strange- probably the reason why I love her and her music so much.

Mum bleached my cons and so they look (almost) as good as new. I can vaguely recall when only “emos” wore Converse- just goes to show how things change, right?

I think one of the biggest things about going away and coming back is that the kids in this town judge you on your return. Suddenly I’ve slept with him and dress like that- I’m not the same, I’ve changed, I’m a “city bitch”… Sometimes it’s not all bad. But usually it is. I don’t mind so much anymore- it used to get to me. But everyone changes. All of my tight clique of friends aren’t so tight anymore. The ones who can accept that I am changing and becoming different- whether for better or for worse- are the mates that really matter.

Mum and I went shopping yesterday- jeans shopping. It was kinda upsetting, having my own mother imply that I’m fat- well, fatter than I was. “I’m not a size 11!” I wanted to scream. But sadly… I was. Am.

Looking through Kk’s movies today we dug out “Anaconda”- that awfully frightening Jlo movie with Ice Cube and John Voit (Angelina Jolie’s dad)… It’s strange watching it now and laughing at how pathetic the acting and the storyline is, when not so long ago I was terrified of watching it.

On Saturday Harry Potter 7 comes out- I’ve been looking forward to this for two long years. It’s also when the lotto is drawn- Mum thinks she’ll win it big. Saturday, July 21 is also the 7th anniversary of my Dad’s death. To be honest, I forgot. I really did. The calendar brought it back with a shock and I began to feel like the worst daughter in the world. But despite it all, I am happy. And he’d be happy that I’m happy.

I can’t wait to go back to school, only 1 semester to go and then I’ll officially be a Year 12.

I’m excited about Nush and my joint birthday- we are so close after all these years that I don’t think I could know more about her if we were married.

I’m confident the rest of this holidays will go smoothly if the StepDad can resist the urge to be an ass, if the brother can learn to clean up after himself and if I can deal with the large amounts of homework I’ve put off until the last minute. Later.

(BTW Kk- I found that post which upset you all those weeks ago- completely insensitive. Apologies. )

April 22, 2007

My family are alcoholics.

Filed under: Family, Home, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p04

I woke up at midnight last night to the sound of my mobile ringing. It was Cameron. RANDOM. I hardly spoke to him while I lived here, and, upon seeing him at the zoo that time, gave him my number and thought nothing more of it. We had a really good chat. He’s not what you’d call the most intellectual of guys, but he’s nice and he’ genuinely interested in what you have to say. When I got off the phone I heard voices. I was a little alarmed, as, as far as I knew it was on me and BJ at home. I then realized Step dad was home from work and had invited round a couple of mates. Simmo and Z are some of my favorites, in terms of who Mum/Step Dad work with, but it struck me as a little odd that he had two female companions at such an hour. I know I’m reading too much into it and I’m certain nothing happened, but, as Hedda Gabler would say, “One doesn’t do that kind of thing!”.
The randomness continued at 5.30am. I heard more voices- different voices. Mum had arrived home with a number of her friends and they were getting hammered… at half past 5 in the morning.
I yelled a little and they quieted down, but, as tends to happen with thoroughly drunk people, the noise didn’t cease. Alas, at 7 am I could no longer stand it, having a shower, and going outside to state that “If you had been any noisier someone may have called to cops” (pun intended).
Now, the five intoxicated idiots, two of whom I did not know, have migrated, fully clothed, into our spa. Naturally, I joined them. At 9am, Mum realized she’d have to be at work in 6 hours and went off to bed. The three that were left (Jack’s hubby had gone home) stayed on for another hour. I had to have another shower, and then spend another hour and a half when they were gone cleaning up beer cans and bottles, and really, really soggy chips.
That’s my story. Mum got up a couple of hours ago, feeling sorry for herself. I laughed in her face, told her it was all her fault, and sent her on her way.
I really do feel like the parent around here sometimes.

April 20, 2007

It’s ridiculous.

Filed under: Angry, Friends, Home, My Life, School — happychick @ 6.38p04

It makes me mad how much the kids here miss out. On everything. At school in the city last term, particularly in Maths, it really hit home how much I’d missed out on. I’ll never forget the look of pity that teacher gave me. We were doing right angles- something the rest of the state had learned at the very beginning of last year. I’d never seen a right angle in my life. I told her so, and she stared. Stared. In disbelief. At first I thought she was going to laugh- a hint of a smile traced across her lips, until she saw the “I’m actually not joking” look I gave her. Then her stare turned to cold pity. I say cold because, well, the woman is physically incapable of smiling (must be a thing about Maths teachers, right?). She had to teach me the very basics while the entire class moved ahead. I was pretty close to tears, as pathetic as it sounds. I just felt… stupid.
It’s not just school. I mean, the education is for shit in this town, but the basic facilities are lacking too. I mean, it was 38 degrees Celsius today. Convert that. It’s winter over here, btw. Winter. So, the people who own the local pool think “oh, yep, it’s winter- let’s close up the pool”. 38 degrees. In winter. We don’t get winter here. And so, it’s the school holidays. The pools, the only minute source of entertainment for the kids here is gone.
It just infuriates me. I can’t stop thinking about what a raw deal these people are getting. One day, when I’m older and a helluva lot wealthier, I’ma come back here. I’m going to do something- anything- for these kids. I don’t even live here most of the time, and it kills me. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for C- she’s lived here her whole god dam life.

April 10, 2007

Yellowcard sums up all that’s worth stressing about just now

Filed under: Friends, Home, My Life, Self Pity — happychick @ 6.38p04

What news from Hell Town?, I hear you ask.
Well, I’ve been here for about 4 days and there are already a bunch of morons doing their very best to annoy me. Sadly enough, it may well be working.
I had a blow-up with an “old friend”, so to speak, who’s never gotten over her break-up and made it her mission to mess with mine.
Pete’s dating my not-so-close friend, who’s taken it upon herself to erase me from her life and the lives of everyone around her.
Pete himself is just being Pete-ish, slightly immature and hiding away from the world should he run into me (which consequently happened, with hilarious results).
I’m sleeping on the floor of Mum and Step dad’s room- quite ridiculous! There’s some “family friend” making my bed all… mannish.
To be honest it just seems like this town has begun to hate me. Even worse is the fact that everyone has an opinion as to what I’ve done wrong, or what I’ve not said right- I mean, really- go catch Chlamydia!
But I am glad to be home. Getting away from boarding is great- seeing the same thing, the same people, every day- it really does get old.
My Dad’s  death anniversary and his birthday are coming up in a couple of months- I really wonder what he’d be like if I knew him now- I really wish I had known him now. It kills me to think of the upcoming “Father-Daughter Dinner” at school, or even when I hear people talk about their dad’s… I’ve got Paul, right? And that’s awesome. But it won’t ever be the same as a real Daddy.
On the subject, I went to visit my crazy Gran in the bush last week- she really is a tough old stick. We got talking about my bro (who I’m becoming increasingly worried about), and then about my Dad(a subject which rarely, if ever, brings tears to my eyes- but alas! There is an exception to every rule)
So, to end the post on a less angry, more melancholy note, I’ll leave you with a bit of an extract from a Yellowcard song;
“And I’m sure the view from heaven,
Beats the hell out of mine here,
And if we all believe in heaven,
Maybe we’ll make it through one more year,
Down here”

xx

March 8, 2007

Mother

Filed under: Family, Happy, Home, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p03

It’s not about the pathetic arguments we had during my “rebellious stage”. It’ll never be how many times she’s hit me, or how many names I’ve called her. The fact that I’m only now coming to realize how lost I’d be without her is a regret I’ll have forever.

In moving to boarding school it’s really hit home how close we’ve become over the past year or so. How much I’ve come to depend upon her, how, little by little I’ve become an “adult” in her eyes.

It’s about the bond we share, and how that bond grows stronger every day. It’s about me being able to talk to her about anything- my sex life, her sex life, gossiping and bitching about family and friends…

I can now look at her and say “I trust you. I believe you.” I value her opinion higher than anyone else’s. Her word is law, though I’m just becoming aware that she too is human- she too needs a shoulder to cry on.

I talk to my peers now, and I say with confidence “My Mum is my best friend”.

Slowly but surely we’ve come to a mutual awareness of our need for each other.

I know now that I can be secure in any decision I make. I can say what I feel and not regret it. I can get through anything, because, in the end- she’ll be there for me.

To hug me. To comfort me. To tell me that I’m right, or at least that she respects my decision. In the end, it’s about the love. And that’s all that either one of us will ever need.

March 2, 2007

“And will you tell all your friends you’ve got your gun to my head” Taking Back Sunday

Filed under: Family, Home, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p03

(Note: Nothing in this post is remotely to do with Taking Back Sunday)

I’ve just found the SWEETest invention- SQUEEZABLE VEGEMITE!
We’ve had this conversation before- scarcely anyone outside Australia even knows what vegemite is.
Just to recap- as unsatisfying as it may sound, it’s a yeast extract that you spread on sandwiches/toast- much like peanut butter.
But seriously, squeezable. In a tube, like black toothpaste- genius! BUYING SOME!!!
That’s all for now, going shopping with Mum as soon as she’s recovered from last night’s hangover.
Though, I have to make an important decision- Pants or Shorts today??
It looks pretty cool outside, although the only pants I bought are my fave (yet surprisingly scungy) jeans…
Ah, the trials of teenage life. xx

January 21, 2007

Mooshy eggs and tattoo woes.

Filed under: Family, Friends, Home, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p01

– I tried to make myself an egg, “sunny side up” the other day. It ended up exploding, mooshing together and even had a bit of the pan on it when all was said and done. I’ve decided that, before I move out, I will be buying multiple “how to” books on the basic household chores like cooking and cleaning- hoping and praying that they make those.

– Ever since forever I have wanted tattoos. 3 or 4, simple and meaningful. Lately, talk has turned to tattoos and I find myself craving them. Mum’s a bit of a nazi when it comes to these things though- thankfully, this time in 3 years, I’ll be able to make my own decisions on such important matters.

– I blew off going to the beach today- the girl I was supposed to be going with has been irritating me lately, and I can think of nothing worse than spending an afternoon in her company.

– I’ll be in the city this time next week. It’s funny; boarding school seemed much more appealing 6 weeks ago- but now? Well it’s far too close for comfort and I feel a headache coming on.

– I’ve never been any good at Math. In fact, I’ve never been any good at flying kites or making paper planes, either. But last term in Math I did better than I’ve ever done. Probably b/c I tried harder than I’ve ever tried, but that’s just in the details.

– It was 38 degrees inside when I got home from work today- how was I supposed to know the air-con had two modes, and that I’d set it to the wrong one??

And alas, my involuntary crush on said boy is becoming even more complicated- turns out the boy may have cancer- again.

❤ Chick

January 8, 2007

Up Late Update

Filed under: Family, Friends, Home, My Life, School — happychick @ 6.38p01

Hmmm, update of the current happenings in my life:

 

         I went over to Rach’s house today- wasn’t half as awkward as anticipated. We swam in her pool, went for a walk along the beach and watched Napoleon Dynamite, afterwards contenting ourselves with Harry Potter (honestly- the whole of Foxtel and we were watching Harry Potter??). She’s such a great girl, faults and all- I mean, I don’t really think she knows how strong she truly is.

         You’ll be interested to know I’ve apologized to my ex for my outburst on Christmas, which basically consisted of hurtful (yet surprisingly releviing) phrases such as “I hate you” and “Never speak to me again” yada yada yada… Putting aside my strong sense of pride, yes I overreacted, but at the time I had reason to.

         Back to work tomorrow… could very well die of boredom and frustration, but assuming that I don’t, I’ll have another $300 by the end of this week. The place is driving me mad- but I guess going back to work is the lesser of two evils- it’s either working and earning money, or staying at home, bored to the point of eating my own arm.

         School is looming closer and closer… not a pretty thought. I may have mentioned this once of twice before, but living with a bunch of hormonal teenagers is not what I would call “appealing”.

         Mum and Step Dad have been acting a little… off, lately. Not 100% sure why. In fact, I think it could be the mere fact that they’re over having kids in the house, and boarding school is a brilliant way to get rid of me, at least for a while.

 

Alas, my bro is coming over (yes I’m home alone again- what a sad life I lead) and we’re going to get tea… From Chicken Treat. Ugh. As I said to Shona, my family is making me fat.

xx

(Later)

P.S.(standing for, I have been told- “post script”) I currently am menstruating, and hence, my tummy is bloated, my mood swings are bad (well, worse than usual), and I do think it’s about time that I went to bed.

Older Posts »

Blog at WordPress.com.