sundog

November 17, 2008

Freedom

Filed under: My Life — happychick @ 6.38p11

Today I finished highschool. As the examiner said “Stop Work” in my final exam, I left that damp, cold exam room with a smile and a tear in my eye.

When my Mum told me, more than two years ago now, that she was sending me to Boarding school, 1600km away from home, family and my beloved boyfriend, I cried and cried for days. I was horrified, and I could not  for the life of me think why she’d want to do such a thing. I thought that maybe it was karma, for all those times I’d sworn and cursed and acted like a complete moron. But even that, I ruminated, couldn’t be worthy of such an upheaval.

At first I thought it had been a grave mistake- one of the scarce few I’d ever witness my infallible Mother make. I told myself that she was human too- I didn’t want to blame her solely for sending me to what had become my prison. But I had to blame someone. I had to have some direction in which to point my anger. And she bore the full brunt of it.

Today I thanked her. I told her I was grateful for the opportunity to go to a real school and meet real people who were going to go real places. I told her that it had made all the difference. I didn’t tell her, for fear of being sentimental in a way she’d never been, that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I didn’t tell her that this school, this community, had instilled in me life lessons that I would carry with me forever.

I think about it now and I fear what would’ve become of me had I stayed in that place, which at the time felt so bearable, but when I look back, was turning me into a monster. In honesty, had I stayed, there is a very large chance I would be pregnant, a drug user, or worse- if that were possible. That may sound awful- pessimistic at least, but it is the stark truth and it is a truth I look back on with a shudder.

I’m not sure what to do with my freedom just now. I still have two more sleeps at Boarding before heading off to start my new life living with my brother. The next few months are going to be amazing. My friends and I are heading to the coast for Leavers/ Schoolies Week this weekend, which we are all looking so forward to. Following that, I’m going to meet Adam Gilchrist (!!!), and then my former roomate and I are jetting off to England for a fortnight.

But it doesn’t stop there. I’m going to visit my rents for my last Christmas with the fam, hopefully going to get a job with a friend of mine from school for a couple of months, and then, God willing, it’s off the University for yours truly.

I’ve just realised how much news I have to tell you all, which gives me an excuse to post as often as I can in the coming weeks. But I’ll leave you with this for now. I truly hope you’re all loving your lives just as much as I am loving my new, free one.

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