sundog

September 27, 2008

Acne

Filed under: My Life — happychick @ 6.38p09

If you’ve never had it, it’s hard to imagine the effect acne has on a person.

I’m an extrovert through and through, blessed with more confidence than I know what to do with. But bad skin affected me more than I know how to express. It’s bullshit to say people don’t notice- it’s my face- it’s the first thing anyone sees. It’s what they judge me on.

Having acne made me quieter, it made me moodier. It destroyed my self-confidence. I thought that if I didn’t talk so much people wouldn’t look at me. I didn’t talk to boys. I didn’t go out of my comfort zone. It killed me inside.

When the dermatologist prescribed me Roaccutane, I was apprehensive. Linked to emotional and mental disorders and increasing sun sensitivity, I didn’t want to have to be battling depression whilst battling pre-exam nerves. But I couldn’t keep going the way I was- I hated myself, and I wasn’t going to live like that any longer.

Turns out, that medication was the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I can sit here now and touch my face and know that it’s smooth and clear and touchable. I can smile and flirt and make out with guys without freaking out. I can take photos and not wear makeup. It’s changed my life. This isn’t a Proactiv advert- I’m not doing a plug, I’m just so ecstatic to be the Ash that I used to be- to love myself again.

Just a few facts to finish up with;

– I have 9 exams left to sit before my school career is over.

– I have $28.00 in my bank account, and have resorted to skipping meals to pay rent.

– There are 4 sleeps until my 17th Birthday- which I’ll be spending alone.

– It’s been almost 2 years since I last had as serious relationship, and I’m not lonely at all.

– My Mum is 1600km away and I need her more than ever.

Be safe until I message next. I hope you’re all okay.

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