January 28, 2008

I’m ashamed to admit it but…

Filed under: Family — happychick @ 6.38p01

… I’m only pretty, smart and popular because I want my Mum to love me more than my brother.

He used to be the smart one, the perfect child, a parent’s wet dream. I was consistently grounded, got into trouble at school and hated the fact that I’d never be perfect.

Now he’s on medication to treat depression, a recluse with no social skills, suffering more than I ever thought he could.

I’m scared that I made him that way through my incessant competition, my bullying remarks and unspoken resentment that he was always the one they loved more.

We’re moving in together. Will he ever forgive me? Will I ever forgive myself?


1 Comment »

  1. Actually for what it’s worth I did call him. Will it be the same? Probably not, but he did seem to understand where I was coming from. He had many of the same fears about our relationship as I had. And as luck would have it, he came to Philadelphia this weekend for an unrelated reason, which left him enough time to see me. While we had said most of what we wanted to say on the phone, being together in person was very therapeutic. It felt good to be in his presence again and things seemed ok. However, I will agree with one piece of your advice…. take a holiday. I intend on making a trip to see him in March (back in his home-town of Pittsburgh) to show him that I’m willing to make the effort, too.

    You’ve got lots and lots of entries here. Maybe I’ll read some.

    Comment by kgb1172 — January 28, 2008 @ 6.38p01

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