July 31, 2007

A Clue- No

Filed under: My Life — happychick @ 6.38p07

I went to visit my Dad on Saturday. Like I promised I would. There was a funeral going on so I figured Mum’s prediction of a salivating murderer, though possible, was unlikely due to the large number of people around carrying pokey umbrellas. I was completely out of place- I can imagine how Converse and jeans must look to those mourning. Nevertheless, I went. I cried a little, just to show that I meant it. Then something happened that I hadn’t planned on, or experienced before. I got angry. It was strange- cemeteries are much like churches, aren’t they? You don’t swear, you don’t get angry and there’s usually a fat man muttering seemingly to himself. I was angry at “God”. They spend hours and hours each day preaching “his message” to us here, but I tend to believe my Gran on these things- if God were real, he wouldn’t mess with people’s lives the way that it happens now.

It amazes me how difficult people are surprised when there’s public backlash. The look on their faces is enough to send me to hospital in a laughing fit. Dictators wonder why their entire country plan a coup, incompetent parents are confused when their kids get into drugs… and Burgess- oh, wasn’t Burgess shocked this evening when our housemother blasted her as ignorant and arrogant and- how did she put it?- “far from little”- yes, the look on that frustrating sadistic bitch when her own friends laughed and voiced their agreeance- that was enough to keep me going for a week. It bothers me that though she knows- and has known for a while, I gather- that everyone she’s ever met- including her own parents- dislike her- that she’ll never do a thing to change.

Both my folks have been very, very sick of late- blood tests and hospital, as such. Mum’s convinced she’s got gall stones, which bodes well for none of us- when she’s sick, her mood suffers as well. Thank God it’s not the holidays.

I’ve fulfilled my life’s dream of obtaining the Robin Hood box set, and Casey and I have been quietly obsessed with it for the past four days. I was in tears as Roy died- Casey’d never admit it but she too was distressed.

I’m dying to see Anushka this weekend- this blog has been my only outside contact since I’ve been back. She’s honestly the only person these days I can relate to without finding faults in her appearance/ personality/ ability to hold a conversation.

I’ve totally fallen in love with Damon Albarn, as in Blur and the Gorillaz Damon Albarn. He reminds me surprisingly a lot of Jonas Armstrong, and I’m weighing up which one I’d like to marry most, in order to make alterations to my “List”… and that’s about the extent of excitement of Boarding life at the moment.



  1. I went to the cemetary on my last trip home. I always go, hoping I can feel a closeness to my Dad, but it is never there that I feel it. It is at night, while sitting on my patio, I have these talks with him and I feel his presence.

    The cold hard fact of life is this, none of us get out of this world alive. I don’t dread death itself as much as the bullshit that comes between here and there.

    Comment by Sandra — August 6, 2007 @ 6.38p08

  2. You may not ahve known this Ash but I’m a christian. I truly believe that God loves each and every one of us so much. He prooved this 2000 years ago by alowing his son to die so that we can all live forever in him. That is how amazing his grace is. God is real Ash and you need to realise that Satan also plays a role in the world. We will never truly know why God allows suffering but we need to trust him, he knows what he is doing. He’s God after all!

    I’ve recently come back from a Christian camp and I’ve learnt that you can only ever know true joy when you are a christian. I left that camp being the happiest I have EVER felt because of Jesus!

    I know how lame this all sounds but unfortunately you can’t talk about things like this without sounding a little bit cheesey 😀

    Comment by wallywally — August 10, 2007 @ 6.38p08

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