sundog

June 29, 2007

Strive for excellence, not perfection

Filed under: Happy, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p06

I’m not sure when it happened- maybe one of you would like to shed some light, because I sure can’t. I can’t pinpoint a date or a moment that triggered it, but somewhere between thinking it had happened, realizing it hadn’t, and giving up trying to make it a reality, I grew up.

Growing up- and I’m not done yet, by a long shot- isn’t what I thought it would be. I haven’t stopped fantasizing about mine and Ville’s wedding and I still sleep with a teddy bear. I twiddle my thumbs as I wait for my Mum to call, but this time, it’s not to tell her that Peters’ asked me to go bowling or that I’ve discovered the ideal foundation for my skin- it’s to ask if she likes it better that I’m away more often, so as to limit our pathetic arguments, or to see how her “romantic weekend away” went.

I’ve not make-up for a week. I don’t know if that constitutes growing up, or laziness, or some kind of social experiment going on in my subconscious, but I thought it substantial enough to share. Another weird thing happened to me yesterday, but I think it deserves a whole new paragraph…

My religion teacher is an insane mess of pent-up sexual energy, seclusion and delusion and, most importantly, a complete loss of common sense. She is, quite literally, a froot-loop, and looks like one too. (Note: Frootloops are a breakfast cereal, circular, colorful, loaded with sugar…). She told us yesterday that, quote, “God gives me orgasms”… It was the biggest *HONK* moment of my life.

I really am looking forward to going home next Friday- I mean, I’ve got shitloads of homework to get through while we’re off camping but the mere fact that I’ll be around my Mum makes it all worthwhile. Being away from her all the time makes me wonder what she’d say about my decisions or the new jeans I bought- I value her opinion and everyone needs a little guidance here and there.

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June 25, 2007

:)

Filed under: My Life — happychick @ 6.38p06

SANDRA- Oh My Fuck- thank God you’ve returned to the bastard clan.

June 18, 2007

Just a thought…

Filed under: Angry — happychick @ 6.38p06

To the woman at the doctors surgery who took far too much blood and left me with a big nasty bruise resembling that of a drugs addicts…

Fuck you in the neck with a bloody syringe.

EXAM RESULTS

Filed under: Happy, School — happychick @ 6.38p06

While I face a substantial amount of homework involving Wallace Stevens and his views on imagination and reality, I am also experiencing what can only be described as one of the proudest moments in my life. I aced my exams. Passed all of them. With relatively high marks, too. But English Literature is where I really excelled. It’s ironic, really. I finished the exam so early, and wrote much shorter essays than the other girls, that I was sure I’d all but failed. Not so, said my English teacher as she verbally drowned me in her praise. I’d topped the class with 84%. Topped. The. Class. I even beat J, who, if I’m honest, I’ve had the secret desire to defeat since… well, the first day I met her. And wasn’t her pompous-ass shocked when she asked me smugly “how I’d gone”… The teach said it had “given her a great treat” to read my exam and that I “continue to surprise her”. I mean, if she’d spoken that way much longer my ego may have expanded to unimaginable proportions. Alas, I did well. I did really well. And as much as I hate that girl who does better than everyone else and sets about making it known by the whole world- I am her. Okay, ego check. I only passed my Math exam with 67%- exactly what I deserved in terms of how much effort I put into it, and my Human Bio was a 76%, which is below my average. But Lit. Oh, Lit. It’s times like these those of you who think I’m decidedly “mature” and, dare I say “refined”- see that it is not so. Underneath it all, I really am just a competitive little kid hell-bent on proving herself to the world- but if I’m being honest, aren’t we all?

June 17, 2007

Assumptions…

Filed under: Friends, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p06

As much as I’m keen to admit it, I hate being wrong. I make too many assumptions for my own good.

Peter assures me he’s not on drugs, and I’m inclined to believe him, against my better judgment. There’s not a lot else to say, really- he’s such a good guy, I believe what he says, and I have no idea what my true feelings for him are. The last thing I need right now is a boy to complicate things, and I know it. Why, then, did I agree to go bowling with him next month? God, blame it on the hormones.

Keith- nah, I don’t suppose I do. I’ve always hated the thought of on-off relationships, people who break up and get back together time and time again… The ex and I have done our time, and it was great while it lasted. We will never date again. I can assure you that.

I miss my Mum! Shit I miss my Mum. I was sitting in the doctors surgery yesterday and I was quite shocked at just how much I am looking forward to going home this holidays… Immensely so.

Ah… The doctors. You see, I’m unwell. So much so that my pervious post was just about as realistic as it was dramatic. The doc took 5 vials of blood from my arm, leaving me with a pretty awesome bruise- I’m not sure what he’s testing for, but perhaps my bowel cancer paranoia wasn’t so unfounded after all. A suggestion of celiac (some kind of wheat intolerance) may be a less dramatic, more realistic diagnosis.

Alas! School starts again tomorrow and then only THREE weeks until holidays. I’m busting to see C, and apologize first-hand to Kk, plus… well, maybe on our family travels there’ll be a friend or two to be made.

June 8, 2007

Friday Night Again- Listening to Taking Back Sunday in my Jammies.

Filed under: Friends, My Life, School — happychick @ 6.38p06

My Mum once had food poisoning- she said she thought she was going to die. She was curled up and rocking- I’ve never seen anything quite like it. Now, I’m not experiencing food poisoning or anything of the sort- but I am that kind of ill you simply cannot shake.

The ill that makes your head throb like someone’s cracked you with a cricket bat. The ill that has you writhing with stomach pain, feeling weak and… well, as if you’re going to die.

Okay, reading back over that it was a little dramatic- I’ve never handled sickness well, and being in the middle of exams makes things no better.

I had my Human Bio exam yesterday- an easy pass, although I’m disappointed that I didn’t study as hard as I could’ve, or should’ve. Maths is on Monday morning (*vomit*), English Lit on Tuesday arvo, and Media last on Wednesday.

I spoke to Shona the other day online. She’s dropped out of school and is moving across the country. I’m a big believer in a good education and it really threw me when she said she’d thrown in the towel. Thinking about it now, though, it was probably the best thing she could’ve done. She’s the definition of “alternative”- to put it bluntly, she’s a new-age hippie. I’ve had a look at the alternative school she’s thinking about enrolling in, and all I can say is- go for it. The place was made for you, and people like you- and I’m sure you’ll find a hundred kindred spirits.

The long weekend was a great break. My Nan lives near this amazing lake, and I made a point of going for a walk around it every morning while I was there. The great thing about morning walks, I find, is the utter lack of teenage life. None of our generation will get up before 11 if they have the choice. And so the majority of people I encountered on these “strolls” were the retirees- friendly and smiley and almost always replying to my polite “Good Morning”. It was interesting, though- my friend and I were walking to the shopping centre and we passed an older man going the opposite way. Out of habit I said hello, and Nush looked at me in surprise- “Do you know him?” she asked, after he had replied, and was out of ear shot. Of course not, I thought. It struck me then how distant people have become from one another. Maybe it’s the age of technology, with an iPod plugged in and a phone in hand (I’m not one to talk, mind you- I’m terrible in terms of my iPod taking over my life). Maybe it’s just the fear of invading another person’s personal space. I don’t know what it is, and can provide no insight- but it’s saddening, all the same. When did people become so isolated?

My Mum can be decidedly immature sometimes. It still trips me out to realize that this woman, whom I look up to so damn much, is human too and can really be an idiot when the mood strikes her. She says things that are clearly a ploy to make her seem tough/ funny/ independent. It gets me thinking, when do people grow up? Is there a stage in a persons’ life where they are fully mature, responsible adults? The answer is clearly no- and when I meet one of these fabled adults, I shall be sure to let you know.

Interestingly enough, the ex and I had a long chat online on the weekend. We haven’t spoken for months (not since the last time I was decidedly rude to him at his school). It was all a bit surreal. He had a lot to say, none of it particularly abusive or even important- but interesting all the same. We talked about the ex-friend and his spineless internet dumping of her- his reasons were alarming, to tell the truth. I didn’t need to be told she was a rebound that he used to “try to get over me”. I certainly didn’t want to be privy to a comparison of the two relationships- not only rude to her, but unpleasant for myself. That said, I was glad for a chance to apologize- I’ll be the first to admit I’ve acted like a twat since Christmas, and it’s nice to be back on “Speaking terms”.

To Jon- 6 months isn’t bad at all. Happy Birthday. My Mum always said I’d be lucky to make it to seventeen- we’ll see if she’s right.

What else is there to share? Life goes on, “much as it has this past age”, and things don’t look set on changing drastically too soon. My close friend Tarn says I should “make a move” on a certain male friend- I asked her why she thought so. It seems as though she too has fallen into the “I’m nothing without a boyfriend” trap- I told her politely that I’m not looking for a boy, and it’s true- relationships are so much hassle it’s not even feasible for me to waste my time.

But, should Ville Valo come along I would gladly change my mind- the man is divine and I wouldn’t give THAT up for all the Grape Hubba Bubba in the world.

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