sundog

May 29, 2007

Never in my life will I refuse to admit that I’m wrong.

Filed under: Friends, Happy, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p05

Exams are so close. They’re so daunting. More than that, they’re sooo taking over my life. And I hate it. I mean, when it all comes down to it- exams are just that. Exams. They aren’t called “Matters of Life or Death”, and they certainly aren’t the be-all and end-all of my life, or anyone’s, for that matter.

The long weekend starts on Thursday night. Nan’s called to tell me I’ll have to stay somewhere else until Friday, as she’ll still be “Radioactive” until then. It’s an inconvenience, but again, something in life a person must deal with. Her treatment’s going well, though- I’ve been ringing as regularly as I can remember, and each time I talk to her she seems more and more optimistic. I really do hope that this whole lymphoma experience changes her- hope being the operative word. She’s so damn stubborn and set in her ways that it’d take another Nazi take-over to change her lifestyle. But at least it will have shown her that there are things out of her control; things and circumstances she cannot change or be rid of when it suits her. Perhaps she’ll be enlightened.

I’ll be 16 in October, and I’ll have spent 16 years on this earth, living and learning, and loving not quite enough. P said I was “cold” today. She and Case both agreed that it must’ve been Pete who turned me this way. They say that “behind every bitch is a man who made her that way”, and the conversation turned to what could’ve made me so. For myself, I’m not cold. I’m too honest and too harsh, but I feel the way others do. In the words of The Breakfast Club, “I have just as many feelings as you do, and hurts just as much when someone steps all over them”. But the girls were right- I can come across as unfeeling. As cold. As nasty, too, depending on how you look at it. It takes getting used to an I’ll be the first to admit I’m a giant pain in the backside to live with, to talk to, to accept- and yet people do accept me. They befriend me, they value my opinion. So I must be doing something right.

Mum says I’ve grown up. That means a helluva lot, coming from her. It’s something gradual, I believe. While the other girls message boys, pretending to be drunk, I’m the girl who’s doing the study. When the boarding girls put up a wall, forbidding day-girls to even speak to them, I’m the one who branches out. It’s not half as conceited as it sounds- the girls in here are too often snooty and disrespectful, rebellious and ridiculous. They think they’re mature enough to flout the rules and judge the other girls. They think they’re mature enough to say one thing and do another, and that the term “hypocrisy” doesn’t apply to them. It’s a generalization, I know, and there are some who I’m not referring to- but in the end, is it the rebel, who screams and shouts when life is unfair, who’s mature? Or is it the “nerd”, the “goody-goody”, who does what they’re told and accepts that not everything in life is fair- and that there’s a time to speak up and a time to shut up– the latter of which the Boarder’s have the most trouble with.

And with that cynical take on Boarding life I leave you- be sure to remember that life is a grand thing and that no-one, not anybody, in the whole world can take away what you have inside of you- that strength and that will to do what you believe is right.

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6 Comments »

  1. Ash i found your site. Interesting to say the least.

    Comment by Anonymous — June 3, 2007 @ 6.38p06

  2. I’m very sorry I didn’t reply back sooner (6 months delay isn’t all that bad, right?) There’s no excuse good enough so I won’t even try. You wrote this on my birthday, I’m 17. As for this post all I can say is that some people are just fucking stupid. Especially at 15 and 16 (though it doesn’t get much better.) Let me just say to you that through my experiences with you it’s been shown that you are one of the nicest, most caring people I’ve met. Do not let a single person drag you down: not boys, girls, or even family. And don’t worry about me like you did, things are looking up.

    Comment by labrat777 — June 6, 2007 @ 6.38p06

  3. The title of your post is possibly the single most important lesson a person can learn and many people go their whole lives without learning it. If you’ve learned it already, you’re way ahead of the game.

    Comment by Mr Angry — June 8, 2007 @ 6.38p06

    • That’s what you think. Happychick is an arrogant little attention whore and so are you are.

      Comment by Anonymous — March 5, 2011 @ 6.38p03

  4. You, Ashleigh, are an excuse for an optimist. Since when are you never wrong? Everyone is wrong from time to time.

    Also, you’re a hypocrite in that you’ve become like the very beings who you’ve judged. And you think more mature than them? Listen to you.

    I believe that you’re just as rebellious, snooty, and disrespectful as the girls who you had one or more problems with. But don’t think that I’ll ever side with them. I distrust them just as I distrust you.

    You may have grown up on the side. But on the inside, I’d say that you’re still the same obnoxious girl.

    And don’t think that I’m better than you either. I, myself, don’t think so. Heck, I have my own faults. So don’t think that you’re all perfect ’cause no one is.

    If I’m you, I’d reflect on what I typed and think of a way how I can stop being a hypocrite.

    Comment by Anonymous — March 5, 2011 @ 6.38p03

    • I made a mistake when I typed this:

      “You may have grown up on the side. But on the inside, I’d say that you’re still the same obnoxious girl.”

      That mistake is forgetting to put the prefix “out-” to the left of “side”. Therefore, I meant to type the word “outside” in the first sentence.

      Comment by Anonymous — March 9, 2011 @ 6.38p03


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