sundog

April 23, 2007

I went back, and I got closure.

Filed under: Friends, My Life, School, Self Pity — happychick @ 6.38p04

I went back. To the school, I mean. The school I swore I’d never go back to in my life. It was quite a gut wrenching experience. But necessary. Yes, necessary. I’ve now got closure. I’ve now come to the realization that I do not, in any way, shape or form, regret leaving. I went because C insisted. And, being the best best friend I could, I went. I walked the whole way in the stinking mid-day heat (thank god for sunscreen), and it kinda went from bad to worse. Pete was there. He tried to be friendly- or patronizing, I can’t tell which. I was a little uncivil. My mindset was that I wanted him to resent me as much as I resented him for telling all these horrible lies about me, and divulging the details of our intimacy to the world. I wanted him to ignore me the way I was content in ignoring him. But instead, he tried to start a conversation.

The first thing I noticed was his hair. It was long and scruffy- and oily, too. He obviously hadn’t shaved in a while and I felt like I was talking to Tom Hanks in Castaway.

I don’t remember the exact details of the conversation- or I do, but think it quite childish to write about it here. I just remember saying things in a tone I didn’t know I had. I wasn’t sarcastic, I wasn’t rude- I was cold, and that’s worse than either. I can’t think whether I regret speaking to anyone, even him, in such a manner, or if the “down-and-out” feeling I’ve got going on is from eating too much pizza and watching “Australia’s Got Talent”.

I’m glad I went, though. I needed it. It’s the dawn of a new era, and to all those jerks who were unnecessarily obnoxious and rude today- I finally got the answer I was looking for- and I have you all to thank.

C came over last night. We had pizza, and made “lists” (of which famous people we intend to wed and in which order), watched “Australia’s Got Talent”, and simultaneously fell in love with Jonas Armstrong of BBC’s Robin Hood. I have since added him to my list. Near Adam Lazzara.

She’s a really good person. Good, in the sense that, she does what is right. If she’s upset, she’ll tell you, not blame you. She has so many qualities I’m jealous of, and I’m glad that she’s one of the two or three people around here who don’t think I’ve changed for the worse since being away.

I no longer miss what I had here. I no longer yearn for the acceptance I thought I had. I’m moving on to bigger and better things. It’ll be a long steep climb but I’ll get there and I’ll soon forget all about this place, and the people in it who were unable to see past their own noses.

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2 Comments »

  1. And we can even learn to be grateful for the jerks in our lives. They teach us what kind of people we don’t want to be.

    Comment by Sandra — April 23, 2007 @ 6.38p04

  2. wow that’s truely amazing I’m thinking about going back to my high school today but I’m scared i’m not going to get the closure i need this time I mean this is not the first time ive been there. It makes me feel good that i’m not the only one who needs closure from a similer situation

    Comment by hapa_gurl — September 29, 2009 @ 6.38p09


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