sundog

April 25, 2007

ANZAC

Filed under: My Life — happychick @ 6.38p04

At the airport, I was no less depressed than I had been over the past few days. Leaving Mum again hurt me as expected. I sat in the lounge people-watching. The gentleman next to me was playing a PSP- the man next to him doing a crossword. The large Asian girl with her mother across from me were arguing over something petty- playful arguing, much like Mum and I do. The girl had really cool Nikes. A bunch of boarding kids were chatting across the room- they all thought they were the shit b/c they traveled alone- I fought the urge to laugh at Jon, remembering that time I had a crush on him. The plane trip was pleasant- the woman next to me gave me her pretzels and milk, and the two drunken middle-aged bimbos in front provided some entertainment. For the first time since ever, I fell asleep on the plane. I’ll never forgive Mum for getting me up at 4 for that ridiculous dawn service. xx

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April 23, 2007

Ah… It is my “List”

Filed under: Happy, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p04

My “List”

(read the post below and understand fully)

 

1. Ville Valo (lead singer of HIM)

2. Mikey Way (My Chemical Romance bassist)

3. Gerard Way (My Chemical Romance vocalist, and Mikey’s older brother)

4. Adam Lazzara (Taking Back Sunday vocalist)

5. Jonas Armstrong (BBC’s Robin Hood)

6. Orlando Bloom (Actor)

7. Billie Joe (Green Day vocalist)

8. Johnny Depp (Actor)

9. Judd Nelson, in 1982 (The Breakfast Club’s John Bender)

10. Barry Watson (Brian Davis, What About Brian)

11. Penn Badgley (Scott Tucker (The Other Tucker), John Tucker Must Die)

12. Viggo Mortenson (Aragorn, Lord Of The Rings)

I went back, and I got closure.

Filed under: Friends, My Life, School, Self Pity — happychick @ 6.38p04

I went back. To the school, I mean. The school I swore I’d never go back to in my life. It was quite a gut wrenching experience. But necessary. Yes, necessary. I’ve now got closure. I’ve now come to the realization that I do not, in any way, shape or form, regret leaving. I went because C insisted. And, being the best best friend I could, I went. I walked the whole way in the stinking mid-day heat (thank god for sunscreen), and it kinda went from bad to worse. Pete was there. He tried to be friendly- or patronizing, I can’t tell which. I was a little uncivil. My mindset was that I wanted him to resent me as much as I resented him for telling all these horrible lies about me, and divulging the details of our intimacy to the world. I wanted him to ignore me the way I was content in ignoring him. But instead, he tried to start a conversation.

The first thing I noticed was his hair. It was long and scruffy- and oily, too. He obviously hadn’t shaved in a while and I felt like I was talking to Tom Hanks in Castaway.

I don’t remember the exact details of the conversation- or I do, but think it quite childish to write about it here. I just remember saying things in a tone I didn’t know I had. I wasn’t sarcastic, I wasn’t rude- I was cold, and that’s worse than either. I can’t think whether I regret speaking to anyone, even him, in such a manner, or if the “down-and-out” feeling I’ve got going on is from eating too much pizza and watching “Australia’s Got Talent”.

I’m glad I went, though. I needed it. It’s the dawn of a new era, and to all those jerks who were unnecessarily obnoxious and rude today- I finally got the answer I was looking for- and I have you all to thank.

C came over last night. We had pizza, and made “lists” (of which famous people we intend to wed and in which order), watched “Australia’s Got Talent”, and simultaneously fell in love with Jonas Armstrong of BBC’s Robin Hood. I have since added him to my list. Near Adam Lazzara.

She’s a really good person. Good, in the sense that, she does what is right. If she’s upset, she’ll tell you, not blame you. She has so many qualities I’m jealous of, and I’m glad that she’s one of the two or three people around here who don’t think I’ve changed for the worse since being away.

I no longer miss what I had here. I no longer yearn for the acceptance I thought I had. I’m moving on to bigger and better things. It’ll be a long steep climb but I’ll get there and I’ll soon forget all about this place, and the people in it who were unable to see past their own noses.

April 22, 2007

My family are alcoholics.

Filed under: Family, Home, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p04

I woke up at midnight last night to the sound of my mobile ringing. It was Cameron. RANDOM. I hardly spoke to him while I lived here, and, upon seeing him at the zoo that time, gave him my number and thought nothing more of it. We had a really good chat. He’s not what you’d call the most intellectual of guys, but he’s nice and he’ genuinely interested in what you have to say. When I got off the phone I heard voices. I was a little alarmed, as, as far as I knew it was on me and BJ at home. I then realized Step dad was home from work and had invited round a couple of mates. Simmo and Z are some of my favorites, in terms of who Mum/Step Dad work with, but it struck me as a little odd that he had two female companions at such an hour. I know I’m reading too much into it and I’m certain nothing happened, but, as Hedda Gabler would say, “One doesn’t do that kind of thing!”.
The randomness continued at 5.30am. I heard more voices- different voices. Mum had arrived home with a number of her friends and they were getting hammered… at half past 5 in the morning.
I yelled a little and they quieted down, but, as tends to happen with thoroughly drunk people, the noise didn’t cease. Alas, at 7 am I could no longer stand it, having a shower, and going outside to state that “If you had been any noisier someone may have called to cops” (pun intended).
Now, the five intoxicated idiots, two of whom I did not know, have migrated, fully clothed, into our spa. Naturally, I joined them. At 9am, Mum realized she’d have to be at work in 6 hours and went off to bed. The three that were left (Jack’s hubby had gone home) stayed on for another hour. I had to have another shower, and then spend another hour and a half when they were gone cleaning up beer cans and bottles, and really, really soggy chips.
That’s my story. Mum got up a couple of hours ago, feeling sorry for herself. I laughed in her face, told her it was all her fault, and sent her on her way.
I really do feel like the parent around here sometimes.

April 20, 2007

It’s ridiculous.

Filed under: Angry, Friends, Home, My Life, School — happychick @ 6.38p04

It makes me mad how much the kids here miss out. On everything. At school in the city last term, particularly in Maths, it really hit home how much I’d missed out on. I’ll never forget the look of pity that teacher gave me. We were doing right angles- something the rest of the state had learned at the very beginning of last year. I’d never seen a right angle in my life. I told her so, and she stared. Stared. In disbelief. At first I thought she was going to laugh- a hint of a smile traced across her lips, until she saw the “I’m actually not joking” look I gave her. Then her stare turned to cold pity. I say cold because, well, the woman is physically incapable of smiling (must be a thing about Maths teachers, right?). She had to teach me the very basics while the entire class moved ahead. I was pretty close to tears, as pathetic as it sounds. I just felt… stupid.
It’s not just school. I mean, the education is for shit in this town, but the basic facilities are lacking too. I mean, it was 38 degrees Celsius today. Convert that. It’s winter over here, btw. Winter. So, the people who own the local pool think “oh, yep, it’s winter- let’s close up the pool”. 38 degrees. In winter. We don’t get winter here. And so, it’s the school holidays. The pools, the only minute source of entertainment for the kids here is gone.
It just infuriates me. I can’t stop thinking about what a raw deal these people are getting. One day, when I’m older and a helluva lot wealthier, I’ma come back here. I’m going to do something- anything- for these kids. I don’t even live here most of the time, and it kills me. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for C- she’s lived here her whole god dam life.

April 15, 2007

Rhi-nanna.

Filed under: Friends — happychick @ 6.38p04

A friend of mine died yesterday. I don’t have much to say, only that the person who first comes up with a real cure for cancer will have the worlds blessings at heart.
God Bless You Rhi. It could have been me. It could have been any of us. Suffer no more. Too young, too innocent.

Red

Filed under: Happy, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p04

OHEMGEE.

LOL.

I just found out that Red Simons was in SkyHooks!

Seriously.

April 10, 2007

Yellowcard sums up all that’s worth stressing about just now

Filed under: Friends, Home, My Life, Self Pity — happychick @ 6.38p04

What news from Hell Town?, I hear you ask.
Well, I’ve been here for about 4 days and there are already a bunch of morons doing their very best to annoy me. Sadly enough, it may well be working.
I had a blow-up with an “old friend”, so to speak, who’s never gotten over her break-up and made it her mission to mess with mine.
Pete’s dating my not-so-close friend, who’s taken it upon herself to erase me from her life and the lives of everyone around her.
Pete himself is just being Pete-ish, slightly immature and hiding away from the world should he run into me (which consequently happened, with hilarious results).
I’m sleeping on the floor of Mum and Step dad’s room- quite ridiculous! There’s some “family friend” making my bed all… mannish.
To be honest it just seems like this town has begun to hate me. Even worse is the fact that everyone has an opinion as to what I’ve done wrong, or what I’ve not said right- I mean, really- go catch Chlamydia!
But I am glad to be home. Getting away from boarding is great- seeing the same thing, the same people, every day- it really does get old.
My Dad’s  death anniversary and his birthday are coming up in a couple of months- I really wonder what he’d be like if I knew him now- I really wish I had known him now. It kills me to think of the upcoming “Father-Daughter Dinner” at school, or even when I hear people talk about their dad’s… I’ve got Paul, right? And that’s awesome. But it won’t ever be the same as a real Daddy.
On the subject, I went to visit my crazy Gran in the bush last week- she really is a tough old stick. We got talking about my bro (who I’m becoming increasingly worried about), and then about my Dad(a subject which rarely, if ever, brings tears to my eyes- but alas! There is an exception to every rule)
So, to end the post on a less angry, more melancholy note, I’ll leave you with a bit of an extract from a Yellowcard song;
“And I’m sure the view from heaven,
Beats the hell out of mine here,
And if we all believe in heaven,
Maybe we’ll make it through one more year,
Down here”

xx

April 1, 2007

Fitness

Filed under: Happy, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p04

I never realized just how unfit I’d become- until Friday morning, of course. I forced KT to come to cross country with me for the first time- there was no way I’d have gone by myself- and am I glad that I didn’t.

I remember back in Primary School- I was a pretty decent runner. I’d come second or third in each race, and I’d love the feeling I got from pushing myself to the absolute limit and beyond, and coming out on top.

That sort of talent quickly dissolves when it’s not used, much like many other things in life. I just didn’t know how quickly.

It was basically Embarrassment 101- I was walking behind as the others jogged on- even KT managed to keep up. I got a stitch and ran out of breath as we did laps of the oval, and could feel the pity stares as I came in last. The whole morning was a nightmare- I was fucking humiliated, to say the least.

And that’s what’s made me all the more determined to stick with it.

I saw how those girls looked at me, and I felt like a failure- which was to be expected, in hindsight- but beforehand I actually thought I could’ve handled it.

KT and I have decided to start training next term, and so, tomorrow morning, we’ll go for a run by ourselves, rather than try to keep up with the girls who’ve been doing this sort of thing for years.

I’ve really come to terms with it lately, especially in regards to weight and fitness- if you don’t have the discipline, if you don’t have the control, you’ll be stuck in a rut and find it a thousand times harder to climb out.

One example of this is JL- she’s a wonderful girl- she really is. But her eating’s been out of control lately, and I can see it in her waistline. I’m not worried about her weight, though- I’m worried about her health.

I saw it happen to my brother- he ate and ate and when he finally decided to do something about it, it was too late- he’s no longer got the will power to resist that Maccas burger, that Coke or that cake- and JL’s becoming that way too. And I can see her as the type of girl to try something drastic, even dangerous, to change the size of her stomach, and that’s not the way to do it. I never want to end up like that.

The entire point of this post was to tell you that I’m getting serious- I’m getting fit. I’m getting healthy and I’m excited about it, guys- I really am. It won’t be easy and I can tell that already- but I will not be another statistic of the overweight Australian youth- I will not.

Andy

Filed under: Friends, Happy, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p04

Andy called last night. I’ve never been so happy to talk to someone in my life. I thought it’d be like it was when I left the city- I thought I’d lost him forever. Dramatic, I know.

My point is, he called. We had the longest chat about everything- James (LOL), Ambhiga (Double LOL), Tesco, Anushka, Bilson, lesbians, and the fact that the moment I have the time and money, I’ll be on the next plane to Pommy-land.

I was actually really glad we’re still mates- the amount of time we all spent together, the fun things we did and said (need I remind anyone about the incident with the peg?), I’d have been overly emotional if we never spoke again.

The thing I’m getting at is that the three A’s are still alive. And there’ll be plenty more Peter Pan days, hopefully not too many more abandoned drug hangouts, a number of lemons and, if all goes well, I’ll never hear another Ben Lee song in my life.

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