sundog

September 7, 2006

Life is a grand thing when you are 15 years old. :)

Filed under: Angry, Friends, My Life, School, Self Pity — happychick @ 6.38p09

This time next month I will not only be 15 years, 6 days old, but I will be in

Coral
Bay with the only boy I have ever loved. I guess the whole “Losing of the Virginity” may well happen then…

I’m excited, I guess. But not as much as I thought I would be. I’m more nervous. Afraid, even- to an extent. I mean sure, he’s the only boy I’ve ever felt so comfortable around… but I still have inhibitions and the thought of being naked in front of him frightens me.

And after what’s happened lately? Ugh.

And there it is- the real reason I am writing this post.

A good mate of mine- a really good mate, is being used. In the worst way possible. And everyone knows it. He screws her, then runs around telling anyone in the vicinity how fat she is, how ugly she is, how tight she was, how wet she was… It was awful.

I wouldn’t even be so worried if it hadn’t somehow become MY fault that everyone knew. And it wouldn’t be so damn aggravating if she could see past his stupid, lame little façade and if she realised that, as the only other person to be in the room, and hence, know, HE would, quite obviously, I thought, be the one who ran his mouth!!

Ugh. Mum says not to get involved. “She’ll open her legs to whomever she likes”. But it’s so frustrating to see this sort of injustice and not be able to say anything. If I told her “It was perfect, sweet, kindhearted Jake, who “loves you” who told everyone how he “pooped your cherry””, she would not only go off tap, it would get around that Pete had told me, and hence, Pete would be in the shit with Jake, and I would be in the shit with Kk… and it would all just turn to crap.

So I am alarmed. Alarmed, pissed off, helpless, and acting just like a teenage girl… Ah, I hate the fact that, even though I despise the whole “teenage” label, I act like one just the freaking same. Ah, my… Life is grand.

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4 Comments »

  1. although i do appreciate your intelligence for the written word…emotional development is what should be considered when losing ones virginity. don’t be so quick to loose it, i believe you have only just discovered you’ve had it for a year or two. sex is fun but it comes with a price tag. are you ready to pay the price at 15?
    with respect,
    jb

    Comment by 1steak — September 15, 2006 @ 6.38p09

  2. Your comment has spurred another of my internal debates on this topic. 🙂 I appreciate your concern. 15 is young, and i wouldn’t even consider the possibility if I didn’t feel ready. That said, it probably contraicts my entire blog posting 🙂

    Comment by happychick — September 16, 2006 @ 6.38p09

  3. I am unfamiliar with the word contraicts (do you mean contradicts). Sometimes I think children your age often look at sex as a rite of passage of becoming “adult like.” Lets face it your not an adult yet. You are a very cool teenager who is able to hold her own with adults. But honestly at fifteen…..if you waited until you were able to foster your adult self into adult-hood you would benefit in ways it is dificult for adults to explain. Its a bit like describing chocolate to someone. Having sex before your developmentally evolved will just lead to feelings of guilt, shame and remorse. Plus the sex will be so poor that none of “it” will make much sense.
    Good luck.
    Use your current skills to help you develop further.
    jb

    Comment by 1steak — September 16, 2006 @ 6.38p09

  4. Pfft! Like I’ll ever believe that your life is grand.

    Comment by Anonymous — February 8, 2011 @ 6.38p02


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