sundog

August 27, 2006

Don;t let it be the end for us…

Filed under: My Life — happychick @ 6.38p08

Wow. We’ve never fought like this before. It could very well be the end- and I do not think I’m ready for that. I’m scared. I’ll admit it. I’m terrified. But I can’t just give in like that, can I? He’s just so careless sometimes- it’s as if my feelings don’t even come into play.

If I was a boy, I wouldn’t go to another girls house. I wouldn’t swim in her pool half-naked. I wouldn’t stay at her house all day, or borrow her movies.

I wouldn’t rant on about how fun it was to my girlfriend. And it certainly wouldn’t have been a girl who my girlfriend dislikes severely.

But if I had done these things, and known how much she was hurt, I wouldn’t tell my mates, purely so they could laugh in her face.

But mostly, I would admit that I was wrong. And I wouldn’t think it was nothing. I would put myself in her position and realise how cut up she must be feeling inside.

 

I just don’t know how he could be so selfish. And it’s not as if he didn’t know how I would react. I just don’t know what to do. If I tell him I’m over it, it’ll give him the go-ahead to do similar things again. If I stay angry, though, I risk losing him forever.

I just feel so damn violated. It’s petty and silly and immature and all those things, but it’s not as though I go to other boys houses (whom I know he is quite unfavorable towards t the moment) in my bikini.

 

And yet, even as I write this, I can see how I am overreacting. And I am feeling guilty.

But I don’t know… I just feel lost. I can’t look at her again, knowing how smug she’ll be, and how she’ll mention it as though it were nothing. And how she’ll pretend to be my friend…. AArrgghh!! The thought of it makes me realise why I was so angry in the frist place.

 

So yeah, I’m pretty much over it. But I’ll post this anyway, coz then you lot will be able to see how silly I can be sometimes. J xx

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August 24, 2006

Fuck being a teenager all over again.

Filed under: Angry, Friends, My Life, School — happychick @ 6.38p08

Ugh, I hate teenagers. They’re just so damn, self bloody obsessed. Aye, hark who’s talking you may say at the teenager behind the screen, but to you, I say, in true bastard style, fuck you in the neck with my hypocrisy.

Yes, teenage girls are the worst. In fact, I would rather be stuck in a cage full of angry vultures than in a room full of adolescent females. They’re just so, bitchy. It’s horrible. You can blame it on the hormones, sure, but the fact remains that people are more scared of talking in front of a class of teens than preaching Buddhism to Christians…

I guess this whole outburst has been fueled by some friends of mine. Without going into too much detail, it’s a whole bunch of he said, she said bullshit. A girl loves a boy, he leads her along. The other girls, sensing their moment to pounce, tell said boy that girl is obsessed. Girl is heartbroken when she is shut out by boy, despite it being obvious that he was toying with her from the beginning. And ah, who, but me, is stuck in the middle.

And it’s not as if I’m holding my tongue to spare feelings- had my way they’d all get a good slapping- girl for not seeing the real boy, boy for being a heartless prat, other girls, for, well, being nasty, manipulative bitches… Yes indeed, I would not have hesitated, had I not had an agenda of my own. Yes, in opening my mouth I would cause a rift between myself and a great many others in the school- and no justice is worth my social downfall…

In conclusion, puberty is the pits. And people who once were kind and caring and normal turn into acid-tongued creatures of hell. I have seen this time and time again, and pity the next and the next and the next generations who will have to endure this hell.

August 23, 2006

I don’t wanna grow up…

Filed under: Friends, Happy, Home, My Life, Self Pity — happychick @ 6.38p08

So I’m still sick- very, very sick. I’ve probably slept 14 hours straight. Ugh. God sure was a bastard to invent bugs and things that make people feel like shite…Anywho, I’m home from school again… though I did go yesterday. But honestly, I’m no good to anyone when I’m whingy and ill…Got my school report back… pretty much kicked ass… I love how, these days, teachers write sweet and lovely things on all report cards, despite the majority of the kids being shitheads. Like, twenty years ago they’d tell the truth- a mate of my mates Mum (did you follow that), had “This school is not big enough for the both of us- and I’m not leaving”, written on her report. Bahaha…So indeed, what else is there to report?Oh, Mum and Step-dad went to see Pete’s rents today- apparently they had a nice old chat about fishing and taxes and all those things that don’t actually interest anyone under the age of 30… Also, I’m quite glad I wasn’t there, because from what I’ve heard, the topic of conversation was our sexual lives… and that could have been embarrassing.I had a dream last night that I went to boarding school and they forced me to wear pink…ugh. Not only that, I had to do lots and lots and lots of sport and physical activity. I woke up in a sweat. Heehee.I have to write a short story for English by tomorrow, so best I get started on that- not that it’ll be too hard- it’s sad- I do that sorta thing all the time…Pete’s booked his L Plates test for Friday- for you crazy Americans, L plates are like, the first step of your drivers’ license- basically, you have to drive around with an adult, until you’ve clocked up 25 hours, and then you get your P Plates… So yeah.My Mum always used to say to me “Your childhood is the best years of your life”. I wanted so badly to grow up. I wanted to wear make up, and grow boobs, and date boys and (OMG) I wanted homework, just so I could feel mature. I spent so many years, when I could’ve been playing, when I could’ve been mucking around, enjoying life, wanting to grow up. And now? I’m dreading moving out. I’m dreading leaving home. I want so badly to go back to the days when such simple things made me smile. When it wasn’t immature to laugh at the word “sex”. I wish (forgive me for this lame-ass cliché), that I knew then what I know now. J

August 19, 2006

I really, really, really hope.

Filed under: Happy, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p08

Argh it did it again. A practically 3 page post, gone. Sigh, bloody internet. But I’ll write it again, just for your benefit.

I was reading through the search engine terms that people write into Google and such, and stumble across my blog. Quite a few are really perverted (uh, dickwad- type in “porn”- how hard is that?), some are kinda sad, like “my dad died at a young age”, or “he makes me feel worthless”, and some are just random-ass shit that I would write in just so I could piss myself laughing at the responses it came up with (eg. “shut the fuck up you’re old” bahaha).

And then it got me thinking, what do people actually think of my blog? I mean, do they take the time to read it, or what? My blog is a bit of an “It’s all about me, The world leader Happychick” sort of site, and I can see how that would get boring. And I guess it would sound naive of me to hope that those randoms who do stumble across my blog leave with something, anything. Even if that something is a laugh at the expense of a teenage girls’ lame-ass life.

I always hoped my posts made people FEEL something. Made them think, made them laugh, even made them angry, if it stirred up a little bit of emotion. I’m good at talking about myself. Thats about it. And if, by chance, that interested a person, then that would make my day.

xox… will probably write again in about 5 minutes (if this damn blog started working)

August 18, 2006

AAAAAAAAAAAAAwwwwwwwwwwwww….

Filed under: Angry, Home, My Life, Self Pity — happychick @ 6.38p08

😦 Bad things always happen to me.

Can’t type for long because I am in so much pain. You know when you microwave something and it gets a bubble of steam under the gladwrap? BAM! Burned all the fingers on my hand. This was at 10.30 this morning. It is now 5.30, and the pain is getting increasingly worse. Fuck the ice-

August 17, 2006

(Testing #2) Sickness… And no Pants!!”

Filed under: My Life — happychick @ 6.38p08

Ah, well, I wrote a big long post about me being sick, accompanyed by a hilariuos story about no pants, but alas, it didn’t work, so all you got to see was “Sickness… And no pants!!”. Which I, for one, find exeptionally funny, to the point my side hurts.

Ah, well we’ll start with sickness- I. Am. Sick. Sick to the point of dyingness, if you were to ask me. You see, I have a headache. A dizzy, whoa, am I high? headache. And my nose- there haven’tbeen so many snot granuals since the time snot granuals led the world. Aaargg. And I have a stomach ache. It could very well be constipation (let’s not go there). Oh, but there’s more!! I have growing pains in my boobs. On the plus side, they’re GROWING, but really- am I not in enough pain as it is? Kill me now I am so sick I am going to drop dead at any moment and DIE.

Secondly, I have a funny story. Now, to be honest, I am terrible at telling stories, especially funny ones, but hey, I’ll do my best.

So there’s me, after school, sitting on the computer (damn internet addiction!) in my underwear… I’m having a great old time, home alone, hanging out… Until…

There’s a knock at my door. Dammit! I’ve got no pants on. Argh! So basically, it’s like this- to get some pants, I have to go to my bedroom. To go to my bedroom, I have to walk past the front door- which is open. So yes, I’m in a bit of a pickle. So, like a moron, I run into the lounge and pull on a pair of my bro’s pants. Problemo solved, right? Not so. My brother happens top be like, 8 sixes bigger than me. I looked like a clown at the circus.

bahahaha! So, left with no other choice, I yell “Uh, I have no pants on! (what the fuck? I said that?) Turn around!!” So then I run past the door to see these two little boys, about 12, turned around with their heads bowed. hahahahaha!!! It was like something out of a comedy movie… So eventually, pants-on, I gave them money for their school fun-run, and proceeded to turn red in embarrassment.

And that, my friends, is all. Let me post that again.

Sickness…. And no Pants!!

Filed under: Home, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p08

August 12, 2006

Camping Trips, Sex, and a girl with a temper.

Filed under: Friends, Happy, Home, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p08

The most beautiful weather ever!! 🙂 That is one thing I’m going to miss like hell when I shove out to boarding school- the weather.

So the plan for today is to basically hang with Pete. Sigh. I’ve been becoming increasingly worried about this camping trip we’re going on. So it’s two days after my birthday, around about the time we’re supposed to be… you know… Doing it (haha the immaturity of it all… SEX)… so if all goes well things wont be the sliughtest bit awkward between us. But then, two days later, we’re off together on a holiday for TEN days. Okay, I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I have a very, very short tether. I get sick of people after spending more than 24 hours with them. Even my closest of friends. I am the kind of girl who needs a LOT of alone time. Wherin, I’m alone. But I don’t want to ruin Pete and his folks’ holiday either. That would make me feel guilty for a year. So I’m going to work on it. Get lots of sleep, and stop being so damn emo-ways all the time. It’s just not a good look.

I’ve got about a month and a half to make sure I can make sure that this holiday is the best EVER. 🙂

August 11, 2006

Blah, blah- Shut the fuck up.

Filed under: My Life — happychick @ 6.38p08

I can’t wait to retire. I still have 2 years left of highschool, not to mention university, before I even start in the workforce- And I’m hanging out for my fifties. i guess I really just wanna end up like Sandra. Happy and old- except retired. Retire already, woman!!

So yes, this post has been much like the last one- my excuse comes in the form of the fact that it’s midnight and I’m tired and I feel like I’m going to die.

🙂 Goodnight to all, I’m off to work on my little ranting autobiography… hmm…

Woo!!

Filed under: Friends, Happy, Home, My Life — happychick @ 6.38p08

I’m such an angry person- I yell and fight, I get furious at people for no reason other than because I’m a bitch, yet I still have mates. People talk to me, despite how completely irrational and aggro I can get. This makes me smile. The fact that people can experience the nasty, cold Happychick each and every day, yet still see the real me beneathe all that depression and loneliness.

So I guess I just wanted to say that no matter how messed up I am sometimes, no matter how much i sook and have a sad, there will still be people, good people, to pick me up and make me feel HAPPY…

🙂 Cheers for listening to that load of crap. 🙂

P.S. I’m writing a book- about how I see the world. 🙂

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