April 28, 2006

Loud Sneezers

Filed under: My Life — happychick @ 6.38p04

Do you know what really, really, annoys me? People who sneeze loudly. I prefer to call them "sneezeilla", or "sneezy-mc-sneeze", or sometimes, if I'm in a less-forgiving mood, I'll call it the "Hiroshima Sneeze" (yes, I know these names aren't funny, but haha-screw-you-don't-comment-on-my-blog-if-you-don't-like-it).

And I'm not talking about the regular a-choo. Or even the Aaaahhh…… choo! I'm talking about the srew up all your facial orifices, cover your ears, run-for-cover-if-you-value-your-facial-construction, all out, no warning, barely-enough-time-to-get-out-of-your-seat, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-choooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The reason I bring this up is that, while on holiday, I was sitting in a restaurant (yes, a restaurant full of people trying to enjoy a quiet meal), when my Step-dad's mothers bf (better known as Dunc), decided he'd do a Hiroshima Sneeze. For a moment, everything went quiet. The entire restaurant turned our way. I could feel my face burning in shame. I swear a few of the people nearest to us, who caught the full blast even said

"What the fuck was that?"

It was humiliating.

And I thought- why does he do that? I know he could've made that at least three decibels quieter. And I thought, my granddad does the same thing. Maybe, I thought, a crazy theory forming in my head, it's like a macho thing for males nearing the elderly retirement stage of their lives- kinda like when monkeys beat their chests and howl loudly- as a warning to other males in the vicinity (or, in Dunc's case- in the entire of Australia)……

Have I uncovered the secret to old men's comunication?




  1. Now I relate to poor Dunc. I am allergic to EVERYTHING airborne. Dust, mold, fungus, every tree, grass and weed native to Texas and New Mexico. I am allergic to dog and cat hair. That is not to mention food and chemicals.

    I say all of that to say this….I could probably put poor Dunc to shame. I remember having this part time job at a tourist trap. We were dusting the shelves and you guessed it…the “Hiroshima Sneeze” . It came from the blue….didn’t know it was going to happen – just wham! The poor girl that was working with almost jumped out of her skin. She asked me if I felt better scaring the piss outta her.

    Maybe that sneeze is the way all old people communicate to others. 😀

    Comment by Sandra — April 28, 2006 @ 6.38p04

  2. maybe, may be not, try publishin it anyway!

    Comment by Hell Boy — April 29, 2006 @ 6.38p04

  3. Oh my god, you just touched a nerve with me, a painful memory in fact. In my worst ever workplace there were about a million things to hate but one was a female cow-orker who was always complainign that everyone else made too much noise. You know, if you were doing something simple like having a conversation. And yet she did this really loud, unnecessarily lod, shotgun sneezes. It was like some desperate need for attention. She’s one of the ones I would have killed if I’d stayed there.

    Comment by Mr Angry — April 29, 2006 @ 6.38p04

  4. There’s one person who I have problem with when it comes to loud sneezing: my brother. But I don’t hate him. Besides, it’s not good to hate relatives.

    Comment by Anonymous — November 6, 2010 @ 6.38p11

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